Very good Parenting Requires a Successful Partnership
Frequently I am told about infidelities, hurts and disappointments between couples and then asked whether the offenders should be specified another chance.
And here’s another prevalent scenario. There has been an infidelity and the relationship has destroyed completely with the couple separating. The person who committed any indiscretion now feels free to enter into a relationship together with the party with whom on the list of the affair who happily takes the person in believing most likely that all manner of wrongs from the other’s partner ‘s the reason for the infidelity.
From my knowledge a typical scenario goes in this way. The person who has more bought the relationship will accept the others apology welcoming them back into the partnership without any requirement.
Sadly, even though things might be good for a short time, what most often happens is normally that the person will likely hurt again as nothing offers really been learned or simply really has changed. Generally there may not even have been any sort of real conversation about what appeared let alone why it appeared.
Of course this course of discovery would be greater done prior to entering into the partnership in the first place. And this is when preparation for marriage therapy is most valuable; simply making sure your compatibility prior to indicating “I do! “.
What often ends up taking is that this couple realizes themselves in exactly the same destination as the previous relationship and thus once again the offender strays from the marriage to attempt to discover what is still missing from them lives in the arms of someone else.
What really needs to happen in these problems is that each party uses some time to try and figure out the key reason why the behaviour happened from the outset. Was it because some need was not being found or that there is actually some mismatch in the things that all party holds valuable regarding themselves, their spouses and their marriage.
I think all the question is often asked because the offender has felt a lot of remorse for the misdeed and they, both in the few, are hoping that this is plenty to get them back on course. The question is also generally asked following a statement with the injured party confirming a continuing love for the person inspite of what they have done.
So the approach forward is firstly to help you communicate with each other openly and honestly about what is going concerning for each of them. They also ought to discuss what they look and feel and think about their relationship and their part with it. Finally, and maybe that needs the assistance of a lovers therapist, they need to share with each other what is really important to each of them about being in a relationship and to discover whether there is a match in those principles.
If there is a match then the likelihood of them succeeding on the future is reasonably assured. Should there be no match then they ought to determine whether they are willing to live with this and the outcomes or whether they can preserve themselves and each other loads of heartache by acknowledging all those differences and separating from each other immediately.
These never even contemplate of the fact that issue may actually have been with the offender and that likely little or nothing was actually learned to ensure that the person would not digress for a second time.
That sad thing is who remorse in and of itself is rarely satisfactory to change a person’s behaviour. The reason is if the underlying need or simply belief hasn’t changed then that behaviour may not either.
Allowed me to see if I can make this kind of clearer.